DEPARTURES

"The taste of the apple...lies in the contact of the fruit with the palate, not in the fruit itself; in a similar way ...poetry lies in the meeting of the poem and reader, not in the lines and symbols printed on the pages of a book.What is essential is the aesthetic act, the trill , the almost physical emotion that comes with each reading"
Jorge Luis Borges (Selected Poems 1923-1967)

In the same way, home is not made by the spaces only, but by te memories, the smells, the way of doing one thing together...is not the retinal memory but the whole compendium of sensations, feelings and thought that give meaning to the term.

Once when I was little, my aunt said my hair smelled like "mamita's hair" (her grand mother, my grand grand other) and she loved to bring that memory back.How was that possible?...shampoo was not something that existed then, in the mountains...maybe it was just sweat but I was always glad to hear that comment.. glad that a part of  me could recall that mythical figure.

When thinking of departure, many faces and moments come to our minds...and many questions with it.
 I have always had a particular reaction when meeting someone that eventually becomes a good friend,as if i could recognize that soul.Rejections or indifference works just the same...and no explanations necessary...

But when someone is not a friend, I struggle...that is an very  exceptional, very rare.. moment, .and when I recognize it I want to own it, and for good or for bad I drop my shield and let myself go.
'It is not the apple... but the contact with the palate', it is not the subject but  but the flawless and irrational connection it brings with it...as if souls could finally see, hearts were finally filled..and words were not necessary...

But the mind always misgive, unable to understand...and things crumble. For humans explanations are necessary,and patience a virtue I don't have.

When I say goodbye this time, in silence,  I wonder if I lost  that chance, if distance will make us closer or apart.I think of the city, and the new places, the new smells, the different light, the plants, the seasons, and the people...'what are cities but people'

I have no answers and no patience yet, but will try to find both in the way, while I let things flow naturally to find their place and I hope to find my own.

like tears in the rain...

A friend of mine told me out of the blue “I am so sorry about the people that don’t have brothers”, I said, what do you mean? And he replied:” its such a beautiful and powerful concept.We fight constantly and nevertheless, I know, he always be there.  I think is sad not to have the chance to know what that is…”

One of those times when I have been in the hole, my brother sent me an e-mail. He said, trying to cheer me up, that for him I was the living proof than ancient cultures exist, because like the Chinese I would set myself to do the most cumbersome task and achieve them with out  complaining of how industrious it was, and that as much as he had tried he had never woken up one day before I did.  With that, he attached a chronology of photographs from our childhood together to that moment.

That broke me into tears  and  I replied one phrase: ‘of that person, there is nothing left’.

He called me the next day and we had a good chat. Among other things he said 'Take advantage of what you have now, the rest will come later’. That meant  a lot to me.

In those moments of ‘Lars and the plastic girl’ craziness, he was there backing  me up, like the characters in the movie, suffering with me, unconditionally,  and don’t letting me go. And what ever conflicts we had had in the past did not matter. Other people, outside my family, were doing the same.

As my Dad would say, the important thing in life is that at the end when you add the positive and the negative, the balance remains positive, becasue we all make mistakes.

In relationships I have just done the right amount of wrong- Is like trying to get Canadian experience-you make mistakes because you don’t have experience and you don’t have experience because you have not done enough mistakes.But sometimes you have to pretend you do have that experience and that might ended  being the reason why you sometimes loose the job (or the person)…it’s a complicated balance.

Strange enough from those moments of sadness and despair, I have learned a great deal and even produced beautiful things, because “it is in the dialogue with pain that many beautiful things acquire their value”

Those friends who stayed to support me without judgment , I now called my family, regardless of blood ties; and those who choose a different path or that of politeness… vanished, as at the end of our lives all those moments will “ like tears in the rain”